Lamentation
by emsaduem
Summary: A one-shot about the Doctor's feelings for Rose. Takes place mostly in "Bad Wolf" and "The Parting of the Ways" in Season 1. What does the Doctor truly feel under the barrier he has built around himself? Why was he willing to sacrifice a precious regeneration for a 19 year old girl?
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there. He brings the storm in his wake. He has one constant companion: death.

It's not as if he had never seen death. He was well acquainted with the Grim Reaper. Some legends say that it was always a shadow of his, sometimes pausing to sit for tea to discuss their next move. This friend betrayed him, yet he was still there. He searched for haven in life- threatening, daredevil stunts. Since his kind had wiped themselves off the slate, just whispers of their former glory are heard in the darkest recesses of the universe. He left small aura in places where few dared to search.

It's not that he didn't expect this. There had been many false alarms throughout their adventures. Yet, each one wrenched his heart out of his chest. Each one made his throat close up and ruthless hate pump through his veins. The fists by his side would clench up, turning an alarming white. He was famous for the deaths around him, but this one he personally caused. He was her guardian, and he had killed her. The promises to her mother were empty.

It's not that he was weak. He had seen civilizations collapse (including his own) and galaxies die. Wars had broken out and diseases had spread like wildfire, yet he never flinches. Like a nomad, he moves on, looking for the life-sustaining adventure he will always crave. The adventure and risks he will always be willing to take have only built up his fearlessness and confidence. There was never a no-win situation for him. The Kobayashi Maru was a legend he fought to end. He'd fought too many wars to be called a coward.

It was the fact his eyes seemed to finally open and _see_ the death. It was when his knees crumbled underneath him, was when he realized that he was a true coward. Everything he did was masking the destruction he left in his wake. The Doctor sifted his hands through the ashes that was his companion. Her final, terrified screams, running to seek haven in a safety he couldn't provide: not in time. Could it have been only moments ago, when Rose's frantic race towards him ended so abruptly? Why did it end so close, that if he had only reached out, he would have grazed her hand?

Her hand. The Doctor seemed to set aside a special mourning for that hand. From the minute he grabbed it to pull her away from the life-less plastic man, he had held it as a sense of comfort. He knew, that Rose thought it was meant to comfort her (which it partially was), yet the sense of her smooth, cool palm against his was the barrier separating them from the world, an impenetrable force field. From the car crash that took Rose's dad's life. From the fear that lies ahead, awaiting to pounce on them. But what of the worlds they haven't explored yet? What of the mysteries yet to be solved? They lay out there, waiting for Rose to see, yet her atoms had been scattered like dust in the wind. She would be forgotten so quickly; only one human in the scheme of things.

The world around had faded for the powerful, indestructible doctor. Harkness' yelling was reduced to a soft call in the back of his head. The cold metal being clamped down on his hands, claiming him as a prisoner felt like an invisible glove being slipped on. In what seemed to be hundreds of light-years away, the commanding and merciless voice of the officer demanded answers. At least, that's what is sounded like. _Is he questioning me?_ The Doctor wondered, but brushed the thought off.

The Doctor became an empty, the shell of his former self. An easily maneuverable puppet. When the Captain tapped a simple code onto the back of his (invented by the two for extreme cases), all he could wonder was _Why isn't he mourning? _Months later, after his regeneration, he realized the Captain's actions were not rude. He was moving on and fighting for Rose. While his companion leaped into battle, while the Doctor's movements were forced, alien. He was finding his footing on a thin robotic movements, the Doctor fought, following Jack up to floor 500, with a large gun in his hands.

"Floor 500" he commanded, swinging the weapon around to face the closing door, reloading the machine in the process.

The digital numbers raced in front of his eyes Adrenaline and hate flowed into his veins, his hands almost shaking with the anticipation to kill the murderer of Rose Tyler. The elevator's metal gate opened, allowing the trio, (Lynda was being stubborn) to pour into the control center of Satellite 5.

"Ok. Move away from the desk! Nobody try anything clever! Everybody clear. Stand to the sides, and stay there," Jack demanded as he marched onto the floor, the two machine guns raised to the ceiling.

The humans scattered, trying to get out of the line of fire. The Doctor marched forward, aiming the gun at the woman being held up by wires, like a puppet. Every question he threw at her was answered it a prerecorded monotone.

"Who killed Rose Tyler!?" the Doctor yelled, an animal craze in his blue eyes.

Another useless, comment about a reminder for the staff. A man on his right only confirmed the obvious. The Doctor's heart rate slowed to a normal thump, allowing his thoughts to become clear. He handed the gun over. The man explained the woman's past as the Doctor commanded the doors to be sealed from any guards. The world continued to move around the Doctor as he followed the man to see his log. Jack made some threat in the background, but the Doctor's mind was racing with possibilities. _Ways to save his Rose._

Jack departed from the room to examine an archive. The empress of the ship continued to mutter nonsense. Until, the solar flares interrupted the signal.

"Doctor," she begged, her eyes flickering and searching for the man she wanted to speak to. The nonsense continued but it had a meaning. Deep inside the cryptic words was a message.

"My friend died inside those games!" the Doctor accused, breaking her off.

She retaliated, "It doesn't matter."

"Don't you _dare_ tell me that."

Jack interrupted the touching moment with ground breaking news. He commanded Lynda in front of the elevator, only to zap her with the beam that had taken Rose. The Doctor's eyes widened and he protested, but Jack had an answer.

"Doctor, Rose is still alive!"

**I know. I know. I should be updating the stories I promise to. I have a good reason though! Actually... I don't. I recently watched the last episode of season 1 of Dr. Who, and even revisiting it for the quotes brings tears to my eyes. It was a beautiful and touching episode. I have about three to four scenes I wanted to do a study of (aka break it into an angsty/ depressing one-shot) it. I have a few more to write, but I wanted to share this one. In the review answer these question... please?**

**1) Should I post up the rest of the chapters? (as soon as I write them)**

**2) Which one should I update: The Tale of Two Schools, The New Addition, or Ascend?**

**3)Am I good at this style of writing?**

**4) Did you enjoy the one-shot? If not, what would you change?**

**5) ! Awesome Question Time!-**

**Who is the most famous person you have met?**

**Alrighty. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to trufflemores. She uses this style of writing often and I'd like to think I emulated her writing well enough. If you haven't already, go check her out! Oh, and thanks for actually reading my A/N. You be good persons! Furthermore, please vote on my poll and check out DancingintheRain2001's newest Legend of Zelda fanfic. Now that that's over..**

**Read on and bon bon.**


	2. Sorry

**I've gotten so many kind reviews for this fanfic, but my feelings for this episode have passed. Its not that I hate it. Its just that piece was a spur of the moment thing. I had just watched that episode, and the intensity and pain of it was heavy on my soul. I started writing it, but my heart wasn't into it. If it pleases the readers, I might write a separate one on "Doomsday." I'd have to say, that made me cry harder then Forest Gump! It was so sad and unfair but necessary and beautiful at the same time. **

**I have wild ideas racing through my mind on that episode. Most of them involve the grief that the Doctor covers after losing Rose. The way his mind is drawn off to an adventure, yet the memory of Rose is lurking in each one. I'd also love to write one on their goodbye scene. I nearly died when the Doctor couldn't say what he's always meant to say. It was implied, but the tears running down the Timelords cheeks seem to show otherwise. **

** Anyway, I need some feedback! I'm really sorry I can't continue this fanfiction of short one-shots. I really should have thought it through a little more. If you want the "Doomsday" fic, either PM me or review this chapter. Also, if you want, specify which scene you want me to write. I'm also excepting prompts for Doctor Who but it must be based off of the first two seasons. I'm working my through the third one, but Martha just bothers me. She's neither a Mary-sue or a character whatsoever. She has barely any personality, and all she seems to do is upset the Doctor further about the losss of his planet and Rose. You'd think she gets the hint? But Donna, she's awesome! Can't wait to see her in season 4 (which I've heard is full of tear-filled hours).**

**Yet again, I'm really, Really, REALLY sorry. I'll try to update ****The New Addition**** as soon as time permits me (which might be sooner than later!). Thank you for the kind reviews and support. I'm glad I didn't completely fail at this style of writing!**

**Read on and I'm berry sorry! **


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